The problem of perfection...

DISCLAIMER: I'm pretty sure that somewhere along this discussion, my thoughts or outlook or opinion is wrong. But, these are my thoughts, outlooks, and opinions as of currently. Don't take them as entirely valid.


My room just got a makeover. We stripped the carpet, took out the fan blades, moved ALL my crap out of it, and we repainted it and got new carpet. Now we're working on moving everything back in and I'm working on keeping it neat and clean, although it poses a problem: what fun is that?
Life will get boring if it's constantly clean. I mean, I'll never appreciate the work I've put forth, and I'll never be able to relax because I'm constantly trying to keep it clean. I mean, yeah, I don't want to have it messy 24/7, but...I hope you get my point.
That's the way I feel about my walk with God. Let me (try to) explain.

I'm uptight in the sense that I don't want to do anything to make bad the name of Jesus. I don't want to be the type of person who is so daggone holy that I don't understand anyone's pain. I don't want to be the type of Christian who people hate because they just don't care.
Now I'll be honest, I don't make a point to go up and talk to people, which is probably bad...but (and I know it probably sounds cheap, I'm starting to feel the same) I try to let my life do the talking. Maybe it's more of a witness than I know to be honest when I'm having a great day and a bad. Maybe it's unprogressive. And maybe it's selfish, but I'm happy that way.
I'm happy when I know I have flaws as a person, and I know I could never do anything or go anywhere without Jesus. But at the same time, I have so many bad days and I definitely deal with beating myself up over stuff.

It makes the good days so amazing, and the bad days absolutely horrendous.

And I feel like I leave so much stuff out like prophecy and fasting and intercession, and I feel like I bum myself out of those by saying "I don't feel it. I don't feel led to do that." which is true, but I feel like I'm lesser.

On an ending note, some days I think I should step back and live my life and not be so anxious about things, stop worrying about my life. But there again is the worry of becoming lazy...