The Prophecy Answer Book

Prophecy can be a scary word. It has been one for years for me. I have always struggled to see what I have to do with prophecy and what prophecy has to do with me. What does it all mean? Why should I be concerned about it?
If you are anything like me, then David Jeremiah's Prophecy Answer Book is for you.
Dr. Jeremiah is an expert on Biblical prophecy and an eloquent writer who makes the word "prophecy" seem a lot less intimidating. He smoothly addresses the issues that many people wonder about--current events, the rapture, the antichrist, the tribulation, the second coming, etc.
This book was a breath of fresh air for me. Dr. Jeremiah doesn't beat around the bush with abstract answers and allegorical references, and leaves little to the imagination. He comes right out and clearly answers big questions and little questions alike.
I would strongly recommend this book to anyone who is looking to learn more about Biblical prophecy and the end times.




I received this book for free from Thomas Nelson. I was not required to write a positive review. All of the descriptions and opinions of this book written above are my own.

The Jesus You Can't Ignore by John MacArthur

We live in an age where truth is a blurry subject. Postmodernism tells you to make your own truth. Jesus tells us something completely different.

In The Jesus You Can’t Ignore, John MacArthur shows us how relentless Jesus was about defending the truth. Instead of being soft and “hearing people out,” Jesus would call out the religious leaders of the day about their misconceptions of the truth. The Bible tells us in Jude 3 to “contend earnestly for the faith.” As “nice” and “loving” and dare I even say, “Christlike” as it seems to try to reason with people with different worldviews, that’s the absolute opposite of what Jesus did.

I will be honest and say that this book, from the second that I opened it, was a challenge to read. It shatters everything I have been taught, that you should just accept what other people believe, and love it out of them. Initially, I was wary because I thought that MacArthur was going on the attack against people. That’s not the case. His tone is perfect. Additionally, as long as one is a believer in God’s word, MacArthur’s argument is irrefutable. The whole entire book is chock full of Biblical examples in which Jesus is bolder and harsher than we normally choose to believe.

That said, read this book. Let it shatter your perception of how “nice” Jesus really is. Let the Holy Spirit show you how absolute the truth of God really is.

I guess I've been a bit of a blogger lately.
There has been a lot going on...and I feel like writing about it.
First off, I have noticed something. I've noticed that in a lot of Christian culture, we do this thing. "Oh, we need to learn to hear God." or, "Oh, we've been so sinful." or, "Ohhhh, that we would seek His face."
I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with seeing the need for improvement in our walks with God...that's totally good. Seriously. And maybe it's just me, but I'm not a fan of a "prophetic worship song" called "We have been Prodigals."
Maybe I'm not looking at the big picture, and maybe there is stuff going on that I don't know about behind that song, but I am pretty sure that a lot of people aren't as bad as they think. Maybe it's comparison syndrome. I don't know--but I sure do that a lot. "Man, this guy is so full of the Word. I need to get into the Word." Or, "Oh man, that guy's new song is totally what God wants to say right now. I need to seek God and write a song like that." Maybe, though, God wanted THAT guy to write that song. And God always wants us to grow in our knowledge of His word, but I think that having an "I-need-to-be-as-much-as-this-person" kind of attitude is the wrong one.
I have come to the realization (or well, God has shown me, along with my church, we're learning this as a family) that our approach, if we want to be successful in understanding what the Bible has to say, has to be that of a son/daughter. We are ALREADY loved, affirmed, accepted, supported by family, all that stuff that our human souls so desperately need, that's ALREADY provided. I lost my train of thought, time for bed....

Do you care to know what gets me worked up more than a lot of things? It is, in fact, the reason I am studying psychology in college right now.
I have a buddy who I work with that I constantly feel like I'm on thin ice with. I have always felt like this guy keeps my life under a microscope and so any time I screw up, he knows it and if I ever try to give him advice or tell him I think he should do something, he began to throw those mistakes back at me. Now, don't get me wrong, we're cool right now...but I just hate the fact that if he comments on my facebook status saying "ridiculous" I can't tell if he's serious or if he's just being silly. And I wish my life wasn't such a big deal to this guy. Everything's a big deal--at least it was--if I couldn't hang out, it was always "Dude, why?" and when I said it was to hang out with my family, he would always say that I was his family and that I "never spend time with him."
It has always been difficult thinking about my friendship with him after thinking about some of my friendships at church...(oh yeah, this guy will tell you he's a Christian, I'm not trying to take away from that, but...) because, let's make a situation.
After church, a friend asks me if I want to go see a movie. "Not today man, I can't really afford it." "Okay man, that's cool!"
After work, this friend asks me if I want to see a movie. "Nah man, I really can't afford it." "Oh my gosh...you have 4,000 dollars in the bank. You're so selfish man. You never hang out."

Granted, a lot of this has changed. I have confronted him and sparks flew, and that's part of why its so weird now. I want to be his friend, and I love the guy to death. He's a special guy. He has his issues like anyone, but I like him, but I don't want to give the impression like I have no other friends or family (another thing I have told him.)

Anyway, I don't know why I really brought that up, but I did...

I'm a Steelers fan. I like a lot of teams, actually, but when it comes down, I'm a Steelers fan. The Steelers are a very hated team. So somehow, I get crap about them.
The thing that keeps me from being really passionate about sports is all of the pride. Pride of the players as well as the pride of the fans. The fans are worse though--they are bragging on something they don't and can't control. I know a lot of Bengals fans--one in particular is very hating of the Steelers. This year was a bit rough given that the Steelers lost both contests with the Bengals.
Now, what I'm getting at here is that the thing that goes hand in hand with pride in sports is disrespect. It's like, keep your hate. I don't want to hear about how great you think your team is and how crappy you think my team is. That's what I really don't like. And I'm as bad as any about hating teams, because I could list a few that make me red in the face. But I do my best to not rub in losses, or even mention them, because I know that not all sports fans are competitive (I'm not, for one) and you're likely to irritate someone like that.
I think that's all...

Long time no write...long time need to write. I think I've almost moved on from journaling, but I guess it's still kinda cool.

Have you ever made a "Lord, change me here" kind of list?
I have one of those. I never really write them down, but it's stuff I keep in my head that sometimes comes up, but usually remains unrepeated and then, without realizing it, God really does it. Stuff like giving me a work ethic...it's usually not a magical moment when all of a sudden I'm entirely different, but something that happens over a few weeks of going to work and class and doing my best and then realizing that's all I can really do.
Anyway, what's on the list right now is something like this, "Lord, change my fear of the future/Lord, change my fear of being someone I'm not."
A good friend of mine and I have talked about stuff we want to do, one of which is to write a movie/TV show, which is actually what I'm going to school for. I am still scared of stereotypes, though...I don't want to JUST be a writer, you know? I am scared of that being what defines me. As Paul says, I don't want to have confidence in the flesh.
I want to be a Christian first and foremost, and a writer second.
Maybe it doesn't make much sense, but oh well.

I'm having one of those mind-racing days again, some days I get to cleaning the kitchen and when there's no music or television making noise, I just get to thinking.
Last night at the membership class (I finally became a member of the church I've called home for five years now, ha) we got to talking about the core values of the church and one of them (and there was discussion) was moderation in our lives and in worship. How we're not about one person yelling and screaming and wailing (which I really liked talking about, ha) but if we're gonna shout, we all do, and overall we don't want to create an environment belittling (I think the word my pastor used was ostricising or something like that..) anyone who doesn't scream or run or shout all the time.
And then my pastor's wife (who is also considered a/the pastor) talked about how it was kind of a culture shock when she went from being a youth pastor to being a pastor pastor because in youth ministry, everyone is expected to be radical and on fire and stuff, and then to approach this concept of moderation was kind of weird. (that was totally a run-on sentence.)
And that made me smile, because I've been thinking about youth ministry these past few days (I spose it's been about a week, I played at FCA last monday..) and you're telling these young people that they need to stand up for Jesus Christ, and then if they don't get the chance to, they feel bad, because they haven't made some huge impact for Jesus on their culture.
And I was one of those. All through high school, I was trying to do some big stand-up-for-Jesus thing. I have never led one person to Jesus, especially not in high school. And I hate to say it, but high school is nothing like real life so it's kind of hard to imagine doing so.
I mean, I am proof that what we're trying to do in youth ministry isn't exactly working. Well, it's working in the long run. But I mean, the best thing I learned was keep going to church and survive high school, and then the world gets real. But then, at the same time, it's a culture shock. The only thing I could teach young people is 'go to your church, pay attention, and get through high school.' but that's not enough. That's not life.
What I'm trying to say is--how can we REALLY reach youth? How do you REALLY teach them to be like Jesus? How can you preach and teach a very very real gospel to an atmosphere where everything is plastic? It's really something that only God can do. And since I have no idea where to start, I'll just pray.

If there's one thing I enjoy doing, it's looking back and seeing where I was and where God has brought me. I talked to God majorly about the stuff I talked about in my last blog and I must say, I have had an improved attitude. And it's God who did it. and He did it by Himself. What I mean is that He didn't have to send a book my way or a song (although songs have been getting to me this week..) I believe it was just one of those places where He said, "sure, I'll take that from you. I'll give you more joy in place of the negativity."
And as great as all that is, and it is, I want to say that it's not half as great as the God who has done it. In my world civ class, we've been looking at Mesopotamia and stuff and the issue of religion comes up (not in debate form, but just in review and in study) and something I thought was pretty cool was that in those days, they had gods of everything. gods of harvest and of water, sun, the dead, weather, and whatnot. And I was thinking while my professor was talking about that, "God has all that under control." And the song I've been listening to all week (and I'm so glad we did it this morning at church) is "Praise the Father, Praise the Son" by Chris Tomlin. My favorite is the bridge. It's the last part of the Lord's prayer--Yours is the Kingdom, Yours is the power, Yours is the glory forever.
I guess that's my life lesson this week. Even though I've dealt with sin, even though I've been lonely, God is still in control, and when I can't fight, I can crawl up in my Dad's lap and ask for His help. No matter what, the Kingdom, the power, and the glory are all His. Papa God has got this under control.

So, I started college on Monday. It was pretty alright. But ever since and all throughout high school, I don't do well in social situations. I suck when it comes to being around people who are more outgoing than I. I am fine around people I know, and whose interests and hearts I know. And because of that, I have a really, really hard time with new people.
And see, that's a problem when you're on a campus with 17,000 students. It just doesn't work.
And I desperately, desperately want to start making new friends and especially plugging into the body of Christ on campus, because I know it will make college so much easier. well, less stressful, anyway. But for whatever reason, I have trust issues. I have trouble believing people's motives are good. I have a hard time believing that half the Christians I meet/hear about are genuine and sincere. And I wish I knew the remedy for that.
I guess I just don't like it when people are always happy. Why? I don't know. I want to be, trust me! But I have trouble around people who are always cheerful. I guess maybe because my life hasn't always been easy. But still, that's no reason to not be happy. That's no reason to be negative. And I've been asking God to teach me how to be happy without being plastic, because that's what I desperately want. I'm tired of being half-happy, 1/4 worried and 1/4 frustrated throughout the week. And I know that the only way I can do that is if Jesus helps me do so...I once heard a man say (roughly) that hope isn't so much a desperate "I really really want this to happen" but instead a confidence in who God is and what He has promised.

Thank God that I am and will remain a work in progress until Jesus calls me home.

Sooo...the past few weeks have been odd. I feel like my gears are grinding incorrectly, if that analogy is correct. I've been trying to go hard after God, but there are things in my heart that are keeping me from doing so. I have dealt with lust almost non-stop for the past month, really, and I've been dealing with this sense of entitlement...like I have some sort of right to say who's wrong and who's right. I have woken up in the morning feeling like I'm God's enemy, because I have a tendancy to critique people and their ministries and such. Because of the lust, there are days when I see myself as nothing but a creep and a pervert. I have tried so hard to study scripture like Romans 7 where Paul talks about him not doing what he wants to do and doing what he doesn't want to do, etc...Jesus' talks about rest and forgiveness...but it's like trying to beat through this thick steel door. I've gotten nowhere.
And I know that part of the issue at hand is a trust issue...remember Adam and Eve in the garden? Many people who do a study on that passage say that the core issue that the serpent was bringing up was this: "Is God who He says He is, and is He to be trusted?" That's the core question coming up here, too. I believe God is who He says He is, but I think the issue lies in how much I trust (or don't trust) Him. I think the unspoken mindset I have is that whenever God pulls something out of my heart, that I'll become a robot. I'll get all stoked about scripture that I don't even understand, I'll get all insensitive, etc. One of the things that I am very serious about is being sensitive to people. Like, knowing what they go through. Knowing the pain and fear of lonliness, basically, understanding what humans experience. I think that without sensitivity, the church is ineffective and brainwashes people. And what makes me think that the same God who rejoices when one of His lost sheep is found, who mourns when His people turn away, how can I think that insensitivity is part of His plan for His church? I couldn't exactly tell you.
But I'm tired of wrestling with God about what kind of man He wants me to be. I'm so tired of it. because it gives me those feelings like I'm His enemy, or not on His side, etc. uggggggggh.

training wheels.

I keep looking at that "problem of perfection" blog of mind and it kind of bothers me. Well, really doesn't concern me, kind of makes me laugh. When you think about it, we won't be perfect until we get to heaven. I mean seriously.
And I've really come to learn that it's not our actions and behaviors, habits, practices, and whatnot that gets us to a place of "perfection," also known as righteousness. The gospel is not about us accepting Jesus as our Lord and Savior, and Him leaving us alone to do our own thing, trying to do His thing. He doesn't ask us to advance His Kingdom with Him not the ruling King. Think of it this way.
A young boy gets a bicycle for Christmas. It's a nice, expensive, versatile mountain bike, but it's too big for him, and there are no training wheels.
What kind of gift is that? Now, on the other hand, another young boy gets a bike small enough for him to ride, and, it has training wheels. Ohhhh yeah. Now we're in business.
Jesus said, "Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn't a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing. You're at least decent to your own children. So don't you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?"
(Matthew 7:7-11, The Message)
The point I'm trying to make is that we really do not have to rely on our strength, merit, etc. Jesus has enough strength for us when we're weak, He has grace when we fail, He is faithful when we are absolutely faithless.
You don't have to depend on yourself to engage in meaningful worship, to study the word. You put yourself out there, and you won't be disappointed.
"But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him."
Hebrews 11:6. That's a promise of God. Stand on that promise.

The sound of silence.

Ecclesiastes 5:1-5 is beginning to go down as one of my favorite passages of scripture...
¹ Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know that they do wrong.

² Do not be quick with your mouth,
do not be hasty in your heart
to utter anything before God.
God is in heaven
and you are on earth,
so let your words be few.

³ As a dream comes when there are many cares,
so the speech of a fool when there are many words.

⁴ When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. ⁵ It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.

I love this passage so much because there seems to be so much pressure in the church to always have something to say. Something encouraging, something prophetic, a Bible verse to share, anything. And sometimes (in my case, usually) we don't. There's nothing we can say. There's nothing we have to say.
I love that first verse...Go near to listen rather than to sacrifice...while worship is such an important part of our lives as believers, the best, richest thing is to learn. David, a true worshipper after God's own heart, would say to God, "Teach me Your ways." (Psalm 25:4) I daresay David was the master of this art, because while so often he says, "praise the Lord, all your people! Laud Him, etc.." he gets down to business and says, "Lord, teach me Your ways."

That, I firmly believe, should be the cry of all worshippers' (and in that, all believers, given we're all worshippers :) ) hearts. Because since worship begins with God, we can't possibly worship until God teaches us something about Himself--worship is a response. Worship is a response to who God is, and we know who God is through two ways--the Bible, and Jesus. The Bible teaches us what God has done, and Jesus teaches us who God is through His life. That is the initiator of true worship.

It's been a while. It's been a long while.

I just looked at my last blog and I was thinking about how I'm slowly but surely working to overcome that, I'm not afraid of being strong because I know it's necessary later on in life.
I picked up the book "No More Christian Nice Guy" by Paul Coughlin, and the subheading (or whatever you call the description of the book on the cover) is "when being nice, instead of good, hurts men, women, and children." And this book has conveyed an idea that seems so foreign to the minds of Americans and especially Christians: Christian men should have a backbone. What?!
It has changed (and is still changing) my perspective on things like standing up for the truth, and what is right.
I remember always viewing the concept of standing up for Jesus as something like a girlfriend standing up for their boyfriend, not really able to do anything, hoping for the best, but being confident that their boyfriend can hold their own and knowing he's in the right.
But since I've been to the men's retreat, and have been reading this book, standing up for Christ seems more like standing up for a Brother, and a Friend. A mindset more like, "He never backed down for me and my needs, so I'm not going to back down for His standards, and how He wants me to live."

And my view of Jesus has changed. I always thought of Jesus as soft and tender, maybe a little on the wild side, but not much. But it has finally occured to me that Jesus had (and has) a backbone. He didn't back down from hypocrites. He didn't tiptoe around subjects. He wasn't scared to step on anyone's toes. He didn't apologize for offending people, but said woe to those who He offended.

But to expand on something earlier said: being strong is necessary for living our lives. If I am married one day (and even if not,) I'm going to need to be strong in order to:

-Stay faithful to God
-Stay faithful to my wife
-Honor my friends' wives
-Lead where God has me in a position of leadership
-Be a steward of what God has given to me

It's not good to go through life without a backbone, and I feel like I sound like a radical and I'm really not, but I have to draw the line. Strength is not bad.

I kinda lost my train of thought, so let me write later.

The problem of perfection...

DISCLAIMER: I'm pretty sure that somewhere along this discussion, my thoughts or outlook or opinion is wrong. But, these are my thoughts, outlooks, and opinions as of currently. Don't take them as entirely valid.


My room just got a makeover. We stripped the carpet, took out the fan blades, moved ALL my crap out of it, and we repainted it and got new carpet. Now we're working on moving everything back in and I'm working on keeping it neat and clean, although it poses a problem: what fun is that?
Life will get boring if it's constantly clean. I mean, I'll never appreciate the work I've put forth, and I'll never be able to relax because I'm constantly trying to keep it clean. I mean, yeah, I don't want to have it messy 24/7, but...I hope you get my point.
That's the way I feel about my walk with God. Let me (try to) explain.

I'm uptight in the sense that I don't want to do anything to make bad the name of Jesus. I don't want to be the type of person who is so daggone holy that I don't understand anyone's pain. I don't want to be the type of Christian who people hate because they just don't care.
Now I'll be honest, I don't make a point to go up and talk to people, which is probably bad...but (and I know it probably sounds cheap, I'm starting to feel the same) I try to let my life do the talking. Maybe it's more of a witness than I know to be honest when I'm having a great day and a bad. Maybe it's unprogressive. And maybe it's selfish, but I'm happy that way.
I'm happy when I know I have flaws as a person, and I know I could never do anything or go anywhere without Jesus. But at the same time, I have so many bad days and I definitely deal with beating myself up over stuff.

It makes the good days so amazing, and the bad days absolutely horrendous.

And I feel like I leave so much stuff out like prophecy and fasting and intercession, and I feel like I bum myself out of those by saying "I don't feel it. I don't feel led to do that." which is true, but I feel like I'm lesser.

On an ending note, some days I think I should step back and live my life and not be so anxious about things, stop worrying about my life. But there again is the worry of becoming lazy...

What the world thinks is manliness...

Wow, it's been a while since I wrote here!
Lots of stuff has happened since the last time, good stuff and bad, but God is good through it ALL.

I worked today with some people from my old McDonalds...and it got me thinking about how I hated it and why I hated it...basically, I was a girl. And now I'm doing my best to reclaim the essence of masculinity. I was working with my best friend (at work anyway) and we have this tendancy to make crude jokes (I don't enjoy them, but for whatever reason, I follow along) and I thought...'why do I make these jokes? Am I trying to prove I'm manlier than I was? That my sex drive and my sexual thoughts are operational?' and that's when it hit me:

The world's idea of manliness has a lot to do with the masculine sex drive. Seriously. Guys really think a man is a man (or THE man) if he sleeps with the hottest girl, or can hit on them or whatever. The world thinks manliness is about sex.

I'm not claiming to know exactly what manliness is because that is a journey I'm on right now...but I know it's a lot bigger than sex. Just my thoughts for the day.

The least of these.

Matthew 25:34-40

³⁴"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. ³⁵For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

³⁷"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? ³⁹When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

⁴⁰"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

This verse always seems to be on my mind anymore...the more I learn about worship and the more I learn about managing my money, this verse keeps coming to my mind.

I say worship because the way we treat people is the way we treat Jesus. That's NOT to say that people are Jesus. But the level of respect and honor with which we treat people reflects the way we esteem the Lord.

I am so reminded lately of religion...the Sunday morning suits and the people who abandon the cause of Christ for "The cause of Christ," anything out of the ordinary or anyone who doesn't wear a suit, or any lost person...any of that is keeping them from their focus. It's religion.

I seem to have a million doors opened every day for serving...and I try to run through the thought in my mind that whatever I do, I do to Jesus. Part of it is doing it, the other half is the attitude. You can do your job with a crappy attitude, and it's worthless to Jesus. You gave Him your bad attitude. You can sing and dance during worship music, but if your heart does not remain there when it's done, it's noise in God's ears. A clanging cymbal, Paul says.

But every time someone asks me to get them a case of nuggets, or go bring up gravy, take out the trash, etc, at work, I think, "This is just like Jesus asking me to do it for Him." and it makes it so much more worth it. And as far as the money goes, something cool came up today...(well, half-cool-half-bad) my mom and my two sisters were both sick, and I called on the way home to see if I could get them anything and ended up buying ginger ale, crackers, and chicken noodle soup. I have rarely felt so satisfied in my life. Verse 36: 'I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' Wow. What a privelige. Serving is really a privelige.

mmm...

I'm kind of in a daze as we speak, I just took a nap and I don't do well after naps. It's weird to get up right before I usually go to bed. or at least close. So I'm trying to make this make sense, but forgive me if it doesn't.

It feels like I'm moving into a new season in my walk with God and the transition is really rough. As John Eldredge describes it, God is having to thwart my false self, my plan for salvation, my defense mechanism from pain. I never realized how I had really set up the false self as a defense from pain. I hid in my pleasure, doing what I do, and just losing myself in the evenings to books, my journal, and my movies. I must admit, the pleasure I got from it is heavy, I truly enjoy sitting and watching a movie and journaling, but I think I was more satisfied in the things than in the God giving me the rest.

The other day I really felt God's love in a way I haven't since I was saved. I felt genuinely loved, that He knows all of my struggles and He still loves me despite my doubt and my fear. Like Jesus was beckoning me back to the cross to experience His love in a deeper way.

The thing about feeling God's love is...it seems like I either feel God's love and am oblivious to problems, or I'm feeling problems and can't sense God's love there.

Like, I know where I have come from and what I've been through, but it's like it never happened. I know it didn't, in God's eyes, because Jesus has forgiven me. But I want to be the kind of man who feels the pain of lonliness, who feels the pain of rejection, who understands the pull to different temptations, but through it all understands God's power to change a life. all I can say is that I want to feel, because people need to know that God's people are people, too. They're not people with a halo who have achieved a level of holiness, no, but they are redeemed from a dead past.

Sometimes I think that the reason I have a hard time trusting God sometimes is because of His people. There is a short supply of compassion these days, and I don't want to be counted in the number of those who are missing it. the Bible talks about sharing one anothers burdens, and I want to help bear the burdens of the poor, the lonely, the broken...because Jesus would. And then I know my faith is genuine, because genuine faith always results in doing what Jesus would do.

So my prayer right now is for a genuine, sensitive faith and firm belief that God can do ANYTHING in ANYONE'S life, regardless. I want to share the world's pain, and God's heart for them.

phases.

over the past few days I've watched a few movies and been disappointed in them. I watched Inside Man, Taken, The Four Feathers, and Fight Club, and couldn't get into any of them. I'm not sure if I'm coming out of my movie phase, or what.

I go through phases, like for a while I'll listen to tons of music and buy CDs, then get rid of them. then I'll do books (though I haven't gotten rid of many books, I have yet to finish them :P ) then movies and so on. I really enjoy movies with rich plots and good acting and stuff but here lately can't seem to get into any. Maybe I need to lay movies down before God for a while.

Now I just want to talk.

I'm in that place again right now where my heart is overwhelmed, overwhelmed with God's goodness and my weakness. It's so polar but magnetic...because in my weakness God's power is shown and He is glorified.
I so hate talking like a pastor or theologian. Like, even what I just said, though it is true, is hard for me to say because it's so easy for someone who is struggling to hear that and become discouraged because they just don't get it.
I am listening to Desperation Band, I just listened to Overcome, and it makes me think.
Worship in heaven is about declaration. The angels singing, 'holy, holy, holy!' and just declaring who God is. Desperation Band is the closest thing I've ever heard to heavenly worship. I feel so comforted by God's presence when listening to them. But anyway. It's okay.

I was thinking about heaven on Sunday, and thinking about how finite we are....
like, the Bible can mean so many different things to so many different people, one verse impacts one person and another can impact someone else. some verses mean little to nothing to some, while they mean everything to another. People connect differently. People encounter the Almighty God differently.
I hear some preachers talk about walking under open heaven and all this blah blah blah and as much as I know Jesus told us to ask for God to put heaven on earth I don't think He meant the deeds as much as the heart, the worship, the complete adoration. I dunno. But all I know is I have no idea what to expect when I get to heaven and I really don't want to.

through it all I know, You are God alone.

Well, all I can say is wow.

I have been through such a pile of crap over the past, I don't even know how long. I used to think I'd always refer to the past six months, then year, now year and a half...but I'm starting to think I won't be back to normal, which is a WONDERFUL thing. Let me explain:

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (MSG)
7-10Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

I used to be discouraged by this verse. Really. I used to think it meant something like:

I'll never get it together for Christ, and He's gonna say His grace is enough to make me feel better, but He's really pretty upset I'll never get it together.

But I think it's actually God's plan for us NOT to have it all together, figured out. Read Genesis 11 if you want to see an example of this. He does it to show His sovereignty. He confuses the language of Babel, where people were trying to build this huge tower and live there forever. God Himself says, "If they go through with this, they'll be able to do anything, and not acknowledge Me. I'll go confuse them."
At first glance, this probably looks like pride on God's part. He's probably thinking, "Oh, no! I might lose control! I'm gonna go the coward's way out so they can't do this without Me. HA!" No, I believe His intentions were greater.
Humans were never meant to live off ourselves. We're meant to live off of God, and His Word. So He did it so they could really lead a better life. That's my opinion, I'm no Bible expert, Lord knows.

The point is, we're not meant to live off of ourselves. We're not even intended to evangelize, or worship, in our own strength. In the book Facedown, I read a well-stated fact that worship itself is in the Holy Spirit. God receives worship through His Son, who gives us grace to worship.
God gives us these imperfections, these faults for His glory. Maybe its a lack of understanding. Maybe it's timidity. I don't know...but ask God to show you your imperfections and how they can be used for His glory. How can He be glorified in you?

See, I went through this whole phase I went through (I'm sorry I beat this horse to death...) for God's glory, I truly believe. I didn't try to get into it, I didn't think I'd get into it, I just kind of went into autopilot, and ended up in a hole. There have been several times when I look back at the Christian I was, and I probably would have ended up down a miserable road of people who would point to themselves into Jesus for the answer to life. I thank God for that wound. I really do. His grace IS enough.

Childlike Faith Part II--my own story.

Well, I can't say I'm completely at the point of childlike faith, even though I want to be there desperately, it would save me all kinds of pain and confusion.

Yesterday I was reading Every Young Man's Battle and was shocked by the blatant honesty, and the involvement of God through these trials. It put my relationship with the Lord in perspective.

You see, I think that naturally we expect ourselves to have to work our way "back," to get to a point where we can grow in our walk with Christ. So really, I was putting a burden on myself of adult faith. But where in the Bible does it call us grown-ups of God?
We are consistently called children and friends, not acquaintances or partners or affiliates. We are personally connected, as God's kids and His friends, His buddies.
(Deut 14:1, John 1:12, Romans 8:16, Ephesians 5:1, Philippians 2:15, 1 John 3:1-3.)

Yesterday, I was reading that book when I felt like Jesus was sitting right there beside me asking, "When are you going to let this charade go? How long are you going to hold on to your need for control? I understand your worry and your fear, but I am good and I will not let you down."
I have pondered that question since then, wanting desperately to let go but still having trouble with trust. But God will help me overcome.