If there's one thing I enjoy doing, it's looking back and seeing where I was and where God has brought me. I talked to God majorly about the stuff I talked about in my last blog and I must say, I have had an improved attitude. And it's God who did it. and He did it by Himself. What I mean is that He didn't have to send a book my way or a song (although songs have been getting to me this week..) I believe it was just one of those places where He said, "sure, I'll take that from you. I'll give you more joy in place of the negativity."
And as great as all that is, and it is, I want to say that it's not half as great as the God who has done it. In my world civ class, we've been looking at Mesopotamia and stuff and the issue of religion comes up (not in debate form, but just in review and in study) and something I thought was pretty cool was that in those days, they had gods of everything. gods of harvest and of water, sun, the dead, weather, and whatnot. And I was thinking while my professor was talking about that, "God has all that under control." And the song I've been listening to all week (and I'm so glad we did it this morning at church) is "Praise the Father, Praise the Son" by Chris Tomlin. My favorite is the bridge. It's the last part of the Lord's prayer--Yours is the Kingdom, Yours is the power, Yours is the glory forever.
I guess that's my life lesson this week. Even though I've dealt with sin, even though I've been lonely, God is still in control, and when I can't fight, I can crawl up in my Dad's lap and ask for His help. No matter what, the Kingdom, the power, and the glory are all His. Papa God has got this under control.

So, I started college on Monday. It was pretty alright. But ever since and all throughout high school, I don't do well in social situations. I suck when it comes to being around people who are more outgoing than I. I am fine around people I know, and whose interests and hearts I know. And because of that, I have a really, really hard time with new people.
And see, that's a problem when you're on a campus with 17,000 students. It just doesn't work.
And I desperately, desperately want to start making new friends and especially plugging into the body of Christ on campus, because I know it will make college so much easier. well, less stressful, anyway. But for whatever reason, I have trust issues. I have trouble believing people's motives are good. I have a hard time believing that half the Christians I meet/hear about are genuine and sincere. And I wish I knew the remedy for that.
I guess I just don't like it when people are always happy. Why? I don't know. I want to be, trust me! But I have trouble around people who are always cheerful. I guess maybe because my life hasn't always been easy. But still, that's no reason to not be happy. That's no reason to be negative. And I've been asking God to teach me how to be happy without being plastic, because that's what I desperately want. I'm tired of being half-happy, 1/4 worried and 1/4 frustrated throughout the week. And I know that the only way I can do that is if Jesus helps me do so...I once heard a man say (roughly) that hope isn't so much a desperate "I really really want this to happen" but instead a confidence in who God is and what He has promised.

Thank God that I am and will remain a work in progress until Jesus calls me home.