God's validation and comfort.

I like to think God's normal.
He's not really that weird, at least as weird as some people make Him out to be. Sure, it may be weird to someone to hear someone else say, "I heard God say," I can totally understand. But He's not "out there." He's right beside us. He whispers to us when we are going in the wrong direction, and draws us GENTLY to Him.

It's easy to want to beat myself up for all the mistakes I've made. Both in my whole life as well as in the daily things. Here lately it's been misplaced priorities. But man, He really still loves me. And what kind of god would push us further and further away when we fail him? It only makes sense to draw us closer more gently and lovingly. Like the old saying goes, you attract a lot more bees with honey than vinegar.

I'm glad He loves us so much.

"With Your majesty here, I fall to my knees, I love You endlessly. With the beauty of Your Son, I find myself undone, I love You endlessly."

I want to come undone. To fall to my knees, and adoringly give my life entirely to Christ. I really do.

The plan for reconciliation.

For a long time I've wondered what I'd say to the version of myself that existed over the past year.
Tonight, I was reading a book by John Eldredge and felt the pull to put it down and start journaling.

Here's what I wrote (possibly with minor edits)

"The central of Christianity has to be Jesus, His death and resurrection. It's an inward transformation that goes to the outside.
If someone was to ask me how to overcome circumstance, to overcome the dullness of faith, the emptiness of a lack of it, or how to figure out how to "get back to God" (the word for that is reconciliation,) I'd first warn them:
It is very tempting to turn to music or books about Christianity in order to be reconciled. It's easy, too.

See, my problem was that I was looking for one thing to change about my life in order to make it better, and more full. I figured there was one book or song I could read or listen to that would make it all better. But a multi-faceted problem has to have a multi-faceted root.
I could have read the book about fasting by Derek Prince and fasted my guts out with no results.
I read Wild at Heart and attended a Men's Conference, and then tried to be the manliest man around, but that didn't work.
And what happened was the wearing down of my very soul. I was exhausted.
That's because we serve a huge God who requires surrender of the heart. And the only way we can give our hearts to Him is through Jesus Christ.
That's how He won our hearts. Remember that initial pull to Christ? That's your heart being captivated.
But see, Jesus was the one who paid the price. He is the one who ransomed us.
understand that Masculinity, or Fasting, or Spiritual Warfare, or Purity, or Miracles, they didn't die for our sins. They couldn't possibly do the work of Christ for us."
It'd be so easy if there was one book that did the trick, a book that said, "hey, God? I got this one, okay?" It'd be too easy. Just find something that captures your attention, who draws you to it.
Because that's the call of Christ. He has captured the heart of man. He has captured my heart, for one. That's why we're so crazy when we first get saved. But who says it has to get old?

Anyway, the point is this: you can't look to anything physical as your source of reconciliation.

Romans 5:11 says that we have reconciliation through Christ. Peter tells us that we are saved by something incorruptible, the blood of Jesus.
You see, men are corruptible. They can fall. Surely there is a Christian author who had written a book at one point and has now strayed from the faith.

We can't count on things. We have to count on Jesus. Because He's perfect. He paid the price. He became sin to overcome sin.

So what would I say to someone going through that stuff?

Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Truly turn your eyes upon Him. He honestly loves you just for who you are, not for what you can do for Him. when God looks at your record, He sees Jesus. And that is the price for it all.

an invitation to surrender.

My mother bought me "Wild At Heart" by John Eldredge on cassette (yeah, I know, old school.) But anyways, I listen to it quite often (there's a cassette player in the van I drive, man I'm cool.) and over and over, the truths resonate deeper and deeper into my heart.

This time around, it stuck out to me when he was talking about when Jesus said,
"Those who try to save their lives will lose them, and those who lose their lives for Me and for the gospel will find it."

This hit me directly this time.

It finally occured to me that everything I've tried has been an effort to simply gain control.
I've tried watching movies and reading books, going to conferences and hanging out with certain people, journaling even, has been an attempt on my part to simply gain control of my life, and especially of my faith.

Which, to the untrained eye, that is a valiant thing. I prayed over and over, "Lord, You know my heart." But not only did He know my heart, He knew my intentions and my methods. I wanted instantaneous joy, I wanted strength, I wanted satisfaction. Which, still, I don't think are bad things to want. But I wanted God to fix it NOW. I didn't want to have to work or surrender. I wanted to stand there and let God serve me.

But that scripture resonated in me strongly, that I need to give up control.

God is inviting me to surrender. And in the deepest part of my heart I know that that must be beautiful, or else it wouldn't be so hard to fight for. It has to be better than it sounds.
You know, God made us, and He knows that we don't like to work without reward. So fortunately, He rewards us with, if nothing else, joy. He makes us happy. So I'm here on the precipice of letting go, and I know there's something greater. An invitation to life, to surrender, and to become God's intimate ally.

Compassion.

Ever since my fakeness of the past year, charity and the concept of compassion have turned me off. I've never liked them much. But tonight it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I was asking my mom when dinner would be ready, and I put on my sad-puppy look and voice and said, "I'm hungry!"

Then it just hit. I wasn't thinking about it. It just hit. Wow.

"It" is the reality of the hunger going on around the world. Like, let's take a look.

Over here in America, I have gas in my car, a coat to keep me warm, food on my table, and cash in my pocket in case anything goes wrong. And even when nothing is wrong that cash is used to buy luxury.

Then over there, they walk everywhere they go, exhausted, sometimes without water. They go hungry for days on end, and they can't buy any luxuries.

Man. Thank God I'm not beating myself up, it's just that all of a sudden I want to ACT! I want to stop using my money so selfishly and use it to bring others the joy and warmth of food, clothing, and maybe even a toy.

There really are people out there who are less fortunate than I. They exist.

I always thought compassion was for freaks and activists. I'm not an activist by any means, but I sure don't want to sit on my fat butt stuffing my face with all the food I can buy and indulging my eyes with all the movies I can buy and listening to all the music I can buy.
Okay, I'm done.

"We will be Your hands, we will be Your feet, we will run this race for the least of these. In the darkest place, we will be Your light, we will be Your light."
-Solution, Hillsong United.

Fame.

Romans 11:33
Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!

This post isn't about a new way to talk about God, just a new way to think about and maybe worship Him.
It would be a new way to witness, but it's humanly incomprehensible.

I was in the bathroom cleaning today and I began to think about the fame, glory, and renown of God. I was thinking about that because of a Chris Tomlin book I bought that's basically all about how our lives are to show the renown of Christ. I haven't read the book yet, so maybe these thoughts will reappear in that book.

I was thinking about how people become famous, and how most people are famous because of what they DO. And really, the more famous people are famous because of what they do. But seriously, actors, musicians, inventors, writers, presidents and other democratic leaders, etc. They all go for something and get it, and get famous for it.
And then the other type of famous are the people who are just born famous. my initial thought was royalty. Princes and kings are born famous.
This verse then came to mind:
Psalm 19:1
The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

That first part gets me. The heavens don't even speak, yet they declare God's glory. How? They exist. They just do. It's so hard to even understand, but man it's truth. All kinds of people find God in nature, and it's amazing to me.

But the point of that thought is that God is famous just for being God. The only reason He ever had to do anything is so that people could acknowledge His fame. In other words, He created the world so we could know Him and love Him and walk with Him. So we exist to get to know and love Him and to declare His glory. Fortunately, He does give us reason, because it's hard for us just to adore something for what it is. He saved us so that we could tell the world how great He is. He blessed us. He loves us. He gives to us. He walks with us. He's coming.
But I love this challenge:
When's the last time we worshipped God for who He is, not what He does?
Don't feel guilty, though, if you have never done that. Hey, I'm not sure if I've ever even done it. But it makes me think about how unsearchable, as the Bible says, He really is.

So here's my challenge: now that you're saved, walk with Him, and declare His glory for who He is and what He's done in your life, not what He can do. He owes us nothing. We owe Him everything. That's why He's famous.

childlike faith.

Today I got to work with kids at church. I love kids, kids are really sweet and innocent. Most of them.
Like Carlyn, she's this gorgeous little girl (don't think I'm creepy, I'm not) but she's just so doggone cute and she has this innocent look and air about her.
and Gabe, he's this kid with one of the highest pitched voices I've ever heard in a guy, but I know that this kid is gonna grow up into someone awesome, he'll probably be really romantic and in love with his wife one day.
Whenever I think about kids I think about Jesus. I think about the old song,
"Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight, Jesus loves the little children of the world."
In worship I was thinking about how nervous I was to help out with children's ministry today and I remembered the verse where Jesus said that we HAVE to enter His kingdom as a little child.

but what I was looking for was Matthew 18:2-5 (the Message)
For an answer Jesus called over a child, whom he stood in the middle of the room, and said, "I'm telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you're not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in. Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God's kingdom. What's more, when you receive the childlike on my account, it's the same as receiving me.

I remember during my faith crisis I wondered why faith didn't seem simple anymore. I quoted this verse over and over but it didn't help.
But really, it's not only necessary to become humble like a child in order to enter God's kingdom and be saved, but it's also very very necessary to REMAIN as a child. I don't mean a child as in you are the son or daughter of someone, I mean child as in you are spiritually five years old.
We have to understand that Jesus' blood makes us innocent. We're innocent. That doesn't mean we go out and sin because we can and He sees us as innocent, that means that we're sorry.
Like I said, I'm thinking about kids.

Think about when a kid disobeys. When a parent disciplines them, they are so sorry, and their parents are sad that they have to punish them, but usually the child learns. The Bible says that God loves those whom He chastises.

Too often these days we get caught up in becoming mature but that's not the point. The point of Christianity is to know and love God. It's simple, really. Stay humble, my friend. Stay humble, stay Micah 6:8.

"gimme" faith.

A friend of mine once said something that, in retrospect, is profound.
She was dealing with the dryness of her faith, she said...

"maybe I'm seeking His hands and not His face."

How true is that? That's big these days. I have heard of preachers who stress and wear out the topic of "living a life of miracles."

"If you're not walking in a life of miracles, you're not living up to your inheritance."

What? I just have to ask, what if you don't give a rip about miracles? What if that portion of your inheritance you don't care about? What if you'd rather genuinely love the outcast and feed the poor? Then are you living below your inheritance? Man, I think that anyone who has the ability to share their faith genuinely with a homeless person has gone above and beyond any "inheritance" we could possibly dream of.

Okay. Let me just say what I think about miracles. I believe God used to perform miracles, I believe God still performs miracles, and I believe God performs miracles if it's His will. It's for His glory. John Piper said it so well,

"The love of God is not to be made much of, but to make much of Him."

So basically, it doesn't matter if He rids us of our cancer or lets us walk again, or gets rid of our headaches, He can let that happen if He wants. It's His world. it's His will. Our job is to love Him and love others, not perform miracles. Anyway. I do believe that we have access to miracles and healing, etc, but it's not the point. The point of our faith is straight up worship and adoration of the Lord, and everything from our saving and spending habits to our relationships to our evangelism will be affected by and stem out of that love for the Lord.

I would personally LOVE it if I heard God audibly promise me that He'd abandon me if I ever became a "gimme" Christian. There are days when I wish He didn't love gimme Christians. but He does.

it's about love.

Starting off, I want to clarify the love I mean in the title. I don't like hippy love. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about a rhetoric word that you say to look good and get yourself a pass for respect. No, I've tried that.
I'm not even talking about love for each other much in this blog. But know that love for each other and unity that love & peace activists search for is not, essentially, all for all, or each other for each other. No. We're not here for us. Instead, it's all for One and One for all. We exist to love Jesus. To glorify God. That's our reason for existence.

Anyway.

Revelation 2:1-7 (The Message)
1 Write this to Ephesus, to the Angel of the church. The One with Seven Stars in his right-fist grip, striding through the golden seven-lights' circle, speaks: 2-3"I see what you've done, your hard, hard work, your refusal to quit. I know you can't stomach evil, that you weed out apostolic pretenders. I know your persistence, your courage in my cause, that you never wear out.

4-5"But you walked away from your first love—why? What's going on with you, anyway? Do you have any idea how far you've fallen? A Lucifer fall!

"Turn back! Recover your dear early love. No time to waste, for I'm well on my way to removing your light from the golden circle.

6"You do have this to your credit: You hate the Nicolaitan business. I hate it, too.

7"Are your ears awake? Listen. Listen to the Wind Words, the Spirit blowing through the churches. I'm about to call each conqueror to dinner. I'm spreading a banquet of Tree-of-Life fruit, a supper plucked from God's orchard."

Revelations chapters 2 and 3 are talking to the churches around the world about what they do and don't have going for them. For whatever reason (well, I think I do know) the one to Ephesus sticks out to me.

Because they have it all going, they really have their act together. They work hard, probably evangelize, but they don't have that love for Jesus.
That's so easy for us to do today.

We can perform miracles, we can preach the gospel, write all the songs (though, that's usually for worship, so) go to all the concerts, love everyone, but not love Jesus. Easy. Trust me, I know. That's so easy, but it's the easy way out. If Christianity was about superficiality, then it'd end up being a dog eat dog religion (and I say religion) with one guy ending up tired and they next surpassing him in how much God loves him.

no.

God wants our hearts. That's what He reeeeeally wants, more than anything. He doesn't want your empty words or your actions or even signs of commitment, He wants your commitment. It doesn't have to look or sound a certain way, you'll know it when you have it. And God wants it from you. I encourage you to ask God what that looks like for you. Ask God to remove what needs to be removed. And love Him.

a buzz of worship.

It's incredible how much God can change our hearts in one day. I woke up this morning, wanting to go to Lexington, and for whatever reason, I felt I shouldn't. At least, I wasn't at peace. But I delved deep in my quiet time this morning and fought to encounter the Lord.
The chapter I was reading in my book, "Good News For Those Trying Harder," was mostly about praise, and it was entitled, "Gazing Upon Christ." It talked about how praising God can turn your day around and how despite our circumstances we are to declare who God is and give His name glory and renown.
Anywhos, quiet time was overall good, I paraphrased Psalm 42 and that was pretty radical because it's a really personal psalm.
So I went to Lexington and used a coupon I had for 25% off any regularly priced item at Family Christian Bookstore. I figured this was the perfect time to grab some Desperation Band, since it was 16.99 bucks and after the coupon it was more like 12.74.
So I grabbed it. After dropping my brother off at home I was listening to it, and I listened to the song "Overcome." Something about that song is anointed. It's like a 12-minute song (well, the live version was, God was really moving, I can tell!) and at like 10 minutes or so it starts building up, and then Jon Egan hits what I swear is a B (way high for dudes) just saying "yeah." But that second, my spine tingled. my jaw dropped. the presence of God was INSTANTLY in my van.
As I pulled into Hastings, I felt incredible.
I felt happier, more peaceful, more ready, more on fire, everything good I felt was stronger than I had ever felt it. I felt like I WANTED to tell people about Jesus. I WANTED to scream His name at the top of my lungs. I WANTED to read the word, and bask in His presence. I wanted Him.
That's hardly the half of it though.
When I went to church tonight, my formerly spiritual archenemy who was on the good side (let's just say he...well, they [there are two] intimidated me greatly and made me feel like a bug) was there, but I started to feel something different towards them. I realized that they were hungry too, that what they felt about God was for real, that they were real people, too. That everything I was feeling is what they've been feeling. Maybe they express it differently, sure. Maybe they are a little more passionate, wiser, deeper, something. But they had Jesus. I finally saw that.
Most days when I would see these guys, I would go home a mess, tripping over my thoughts and trying to prove how wrong they were and the doctrines they believed. This time, I was satisfied. I'm seeking God, and they're seeking God. With hearts as one. unified.

Today was probably the best day of my life.

...

I can't believe it.

I just started work, and I already:
-hate myself
-am stressed
-feel like God's disappointed in me.

Incredible.

Last Sunday I was praying at the altar because really...I just needed to. Too many times I ignore God's call to go to the altar and pray. Anyway, beside me was a guy in tears, just crying, "We need You, God! We need more of You, God!" I wanted to be that desperate, but I wanted to be for real.

Confession: too many times, I want just enough of God to make me look good.

I feel like my defense is also my excuse.

I want to live from my heart, and to do things, say things from my heart. Some days I don't feel very spiritual and don't pray like that guy. I used to. Really.

But I don't want to fake anyone. Seriously. That is my biggest fear, I think we established that.

I just need God's help to get it together. I want to WANT to decrease so God may increase, it just seems like right where I am right now, anything I do is still done out of fear.

But I am trusting God that He'll take me here and show me the way.

"I believe in God, even when He is silent."

Simplicity.

So today while I did my journaling thing, I was thinking about witnessing. And I got a little confused, you know, where you start tripping over your own thoughts.
Then I realized that I've lost sight of the character, or personality, of Jesus Christ.
I wanted to ask the question, "who is Jesus?"

Then a red flag popped up.

John 10:14
14"I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me—

If we can't tell what Jesus is like, or who Jesus is, something is majorly wrong.

Jesus doesn't hide His personality from us, He gave us His word to help us know Him better. Isn't that awesome? He could hide His identity from us, make us think He's someone He's not, and just reveal Himself to a chosen few.

But He doesn't! He wants us to know Him! sweet.

Thanks, Lord!!

What is the gospel?

I'm getting ready to start working again, I'm going to the same company but a different location. When I was there last time, I'm not sure if anyone could have told that I was a Christian. I feel like I looked like the rest of them, and I felt like a loser. I tend to blame my old job on everything, on my emptiness, loss of personal identity and interest, everything. I never walk into that building and feel like the man I am, much less the Christian I am. After a long session of reading and prayer tonight, I felt like God was gently saying,
"let's talk about this work situation. let Me show you how you feel."

let's just say there was more hate and bitterness, fear and anger in my heart than I had ever dared to imagine. I thought of my former co-workers as losers, hopeless, and if they ever came to know God, I wouldn't even be happy for them. I really don't want that.

But that's only half the story.

I've been scared to death, ever since the whole first-job fisaco, of failing God. Of being lukewarm, not doing what I should, not impacting anyone, and just looking like the world.

I'm scared of getting it wrong, of being too evangelical or worse yet, being so set on connecting with people that I'm not as concerned with showing people the hope of Jesus Christ.

So that lead me to a question:
What is the gospel?

Is the gospel a story that really came true but all its for is for getting our sins forgiven?

Contrary.

The gospel is an invitation. It's an invitation into a deeper life, a relationship with the Lord God Almighty. an invitation to, by the grace of God and the blood of Jesus, walk with Him and let Him guide your steps.
It is an invitation to something beautiful, something unfathomably wonderful, something extravagant, and something abundant.

That's the gospel.
That's why we evangelize.